Thursday, November 12, 2009


I know it has been a long time since my last post. Life has caught up and blogging is the first thing to go when that happens. But, after last nights church service I feel the need to share.

For the past couple months our life group has been listening to a series by John Eldridge on prayer. We've been discussing such topics as God's will, and if prayer can really affect our lives if God all knowing. Can we intervene on the behalf of others or does God's will for them to suffer have greater purpose. Just to name a couple. Being a Christian woman, I know how necessary prayer is in my day to day life. And as a sinner I also fail to do it as often as I should.

Last night we had a group called Global Awakening come to church to speak about the amazing things that God is using them to do around the world. Things I've always dreamed of but never thought I would get to experience. My heart has always been aflame to see great works and miracles. Being raised in the church I never felt I had a powerful testimony about God's healing and restoration in my life. When I interned in Africa I had great expectations of seeing God's wonder and the magnitude of the spiritual forces that are at work around us. I came back let down, not understanding why God didn't show me the things that I earnestly prayed for. Since then I've heard stories and been jealous of God's intervention and restoration in other people's lives.

Last night opened up a whole new can of worms. We watched a few videos of the work this team is doing, healing people around the world. They are literally causing the lame to walk, blind eyes to see, and all pain to be taken away. Of course skeptical me thought 'well, maybe this is a coincidence, they just feel better for now but not permanently'...endorphins can do a lot after all. But I know these thoughts are from the evil one. After all Jesus told his disciples that they would do even greater works than he. A concept I have always struggled with. As the service progressed we began to see person after person say that God had healed them. Of course we were all astonished and I was skeptical. I've never been one believe the preacher who yells out that there is a person with a specific problem in a room of 5,000 people and not find someone in the crowd with the problem.

The whole experience was overwhelming, but at the same time I thought it was the answer to prayers that have for so long gone unanswered. At one point I suddenly felt the urge to pray for a woman sitting beside me with arthritis in her knees. We prayed for 10 minutes over this woman to no avail. I was crushed. I truly believed that when I looked up at her she would be smiling and overjoyed. But no. In James 5:13-16 it tell us to pray for the sick and our prayers will be answered. After this event I've come away with more questions than answers. Why does God choose to heal some and not others? Is my faith too weak to heal the sick? Does the Spirit not dwell in me that it might heal others with God's power? If anything, this has made me more hungry than ever. Yet with all of Jesus' promises I was still not assured.

However, in all my doubt God imparted a wonderful gift to me. The peace that I have been seeking for a while now. When doubting my ability to heal others He said 'there will be a time for healing. You will not only heal with your heart but with your hands'. What affirmation that Jon and I have followed faithfully in his direction over the past few months. I almost started crying. I have an overflowing of peace now that God has everything laid out before me. I didn't exactly get what I expected last night. But maybe God showed me what I needed even more than I knew. He tends to do that sometimes.

I am going to continue praying for Barbara, you can join me if you like. I know that she is also seeking restoration and affirmation from God. Both physically and spiritually.

Until next time...